The Lost feeling of Sand between my Toes

What really happened?
I'm still happy
I still create
But the laughter I once laughed
seems so very, very faint

I have lost the touch to touch
I exist, but do not wake to really live

I miss the joy of excitement
The joy of exuberance and never ending nights
I am not old, and I have not forgot
But my drive to reach out is almost gone
and I find that my happiness is only inside

What is the point of happiness and creativity inside
a Cocoon.
I must find a way to crawl out from this cave of mine.
Hmmm,....a plan I must prepare.

Do I scratch at the walls wildly?
Do I pick one thread at a time?
Do I scream until I can scream no more?
Hmmm,...yes a plan might be a good idea.

I mean,....I could end up with bleeding limbs and a horsing voice!
And really, what is the point of being happy and creative outside
If I cannot use what was meant to be used in the first place.
Or is that the point
To risk it all for the chance to really suceed.

I love to love
Dance till my toes go numb
Sing until the lids of my eyes meet the tops of my cheeks
I love living
BUT WHY HAVE I FORGOTTEN TO LIVE WITH THOSE THAT ALSO LIVE

God, I hate that I don't "need"
People.
I hate that I am so inside myself
That I do not feel what you have given me to feel.

LAUGHTER
LOVE
UNDAUNTED WAVES
SAND BETWEEN THE TOES
AND RAINDROPS FALLING ON MY FACE

God push me!
Break the glass
Step forward
and bleed into what is real.