The White Bluffs

Busi-ness passes by and spins me in both directions
Their demands are loud and exausting
My head aches morning, noon
And night.

But then I step outside,
Outside of the arena.
And I slow my steps,..and begin to listen to the treasures
The beauties
The softness
The fluidity
The simple state of peacfulness.

My soul is at peace when I close my eyes
My soul is at peace when I choose to believe
My soul is at peace when I look at you,...and only you.
My soul is at peace when I listen to the small voice
My soul is at peace when I drown out the billowing sounds
And I immerse myself in melody.

I dream of my little stone house on the white bluffs
I dream of my old piano colored in chartruese green
I dream of our little ones with sparking eyes of blue
I dream of our cozy bed, warm and naked
I dream of my voice finding her place and leaving her insecurity
I dream of my tears falling freely
I dream of my heart being open, honest and truly feeling
I dream of letting go of ideals and walking the new direction

Last night my heart fell in love
My soul danced with Jesus
And for the first time, in a very long time, I felt free
Free from all the strings.
I was naked
I was apart
I was releasing
I was connected and yet, unattached.


Just another moment of emotion,...just another reminder that i am not doing what I want to do.

Do you ever wonder which is the little voice inside that you are to listen to?
Because what I hear, what I ache,....I do not do.
And yet, it is the very thing that cries from my soul, the very thing I should do...

I love, I mean really, truly and ever so deeply
Love music.
I can feel my muscles loosen and my lungs begin to take in air
The heaviness that seems to have a permanent home on my chest
Leaves the instant the finger touches the key.
I am living when melody hits the tips of my ears
My soul is home when the music simply plays.

And yet, I do not play any sort of instrument
Although, I would very much like to become intertwined with such a wonder.
I do not sing, well,....I do, but just not very well.
I am surrounded by expertise and their is simply no room
For amatuers.

Do I just love music from afar?
Do I appreciate what is good? And channel my soul through others?
Am I like so many others,...and I just don't know it?
Do other souls ache? Ache like they have something to birth?
And do they not entertain or feed the ache?

Do I abandon what is "right",....And do
What is not wrong, just indulgent?
Is destiny what you make of what you have?
Or is destiny what you make no matter what you do
Or do not have?

My heart and my soul say embrace what many call "hobbies".
If I did so, my peace would be by my side.
Oh and my smile, that sweet girl that has been gone so very long,
Would beam from the mountain tops.
And of course, the tears and the laughter that have been locked up
With more keys than one could count,....would be free
So very, very free.

Why am I doing what i am doing? What am I trying to prove?
Because while I am out "fighting" my soul is becoming old and gray.


I thought I had lost you

We were here and there
And everything was wonderfully fine.
Nothing out of the ordinary,
just groceries and the everyday lists.

But then, like death on the prowl,
You switched and wanted no more.
Surprised by such a declaration,
I asked for it one more time.

You turned to me in venom
And said "I do not love you anymore".
I stuttered and scrambled for words....
But nothing but a faint "why" came forth.

Your eyes were cold, you were gone.
With a faint sigh you replied...
"I do not love you anymore.
I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its that simple, I am done."
And as if nothing had happened, you continued
With the ordinary, the groceries and the lists.

I fell silent from deep within and soon no sound came from the earth.
There were no words, no thoughts, no questions, no answers,...
Just silence.

And then I looked up, and we were home.
Mother was there to meet us,...how odd I thought.
Words finally found themselves upon my tongue,
But they were not met with kindess.
For mother already knew your coldness
And with the same frost, she too stated your disdain for me.

Tears fell, fell hard but without notice.
My body trembled with fear and my body inched towards insanity.
You didn't want me, and you wouldn't tell me why.
Mother wouldn't hear me, and couldn't understand why
I wouldn't just take the cards that had been so harshly dealt.

I fell silent again, from deep within and soon no sound came from the earth.
There were no words, no thought, no question, no answer,...
Just silence.

And then I looked up, and we were in the car once again.
The phones began to ring, the voices became so loud and business was banging!
Bang! bang! bang! As if a mad man was to knock down the door!
And then,...all got quiet.
You turned to me,....my heart fluttered
Maybe you were going to explain or change your mind?
But all I recieved was a harsh statement
"You are sitting on my file, and your feet are all over my papers".
And without any warning
You gently, but firmly, pushed me to the side
And took what was so importantly yours.

Your hatred filled the air of the car.
Your soul was a million miles away,...I was riding with a corpse.
Your air was discusted and annoyed with me
It was as if you had never loved me
Wished you could be rid of me that very minute.

My heart fell,
it plunged to the depths of hell.
My sorrow was so great,
breathing had been forgotten.
My soul had slipped away,
as if it too was discusted with me.
I had nothing, was nothing,....he too was riding with a corpse.

You turned one last time and said "I do not love you",..."I do not want you".
Oh the sorrow I felt!
I had lost you, and I have no idea when.
But you were gone and had been for a very long time.
With such truths, I screamed a sorrowful song so very deep inside my heart
My heart bled with tears so broken, deterioration of my being
was all that was left to do.
I was dieing,...dieing slowly in agony.

And then I woke.
Lying in trembling fear, I leaned into you
And then a cry from my bones came forth, for reality was not set.
And then you touched me, spoke to me,....held me.
The cry became louder, tears fell harder and bigger.
My soul was being brought back from the depths of death.

I had not lost you, you are still beside me.
Your love was not gone, but abundantly near.
The cry became a whisper,...and with your arms around
I whimpered myself back to sleep.


Quiet in the Sights and Sounds

Rain,....yeah obsession is there

And finally, she decided to give a little pour of herself
Its not abundant, but she is evident

Its been so long,....so long since the quiet came and the drizzle
came pouring down.

The rush of cars slide by, honking and odd music buzzes
Bye and bye

Shouts come from near and afar,...some are pleasant
And some would be better if that weren't around at all

But in the end, I am just happy she is here
Even if it is a small quiet in the sights and sounds
Because my soul soaks up every inch of her gray
And my heart bleeds and dances the rythyms of music that so wonderfully
strolls about as she pours, and pours and pours.

Yes,....the obsession is there
It is raining once again. Hello friend.

Murmuring while Entranced

I am not sure if you are the sun, the moon or the stars
But,...what I do know is that…
I am compelled by your melody
The melody seems to sing you,...and touch your face

I am moved by loveliness
I sway back and forth in complete stillness
And eventually,...I am found in a violent swirl
I am compelled to feel, to swim, to climb
Through the motion of tingeing notes
Breathing, smelling, dancing and...
touching the feathers and the leaves

I am in the rain, my eyes are closed
No reason to notice, no reason to care
never ending
never ending
never ending

Tip toe on the keys
And slide through each chord.
My soul rests on the knowing
of the never ending…

Trickle down, down, down
Never ending down
Over and over, pour down
over me
Breathe down
with never ending down.
Down, down, down

Wrap me, move me,...swing me, slay me
down and around till I am so dizzy
That I won't know what is up nor down
Down, Down, Down

Down over and under
Down with a spin and a spiral
Your melodic melody must pull me
into what is never ending and never knowing

It is the state of unawareness and always new
Confusion in such a state that the need of understanding
is no longer a substance of my consciousness.
It is only the melodies, only the keys, only the chords
The beauties that envelope me, swaddling cocoons,...quietness.

Peace found not in clarity but in impaired-ness
I only want the blanket, the cover, the fort, the shield,...
The blending of fibers and what not’s,...
forgetting what isn't important.

Mesmerized I will be,...entranced in the light and in the rain
Beauty,...no rules,..no regulations
She is in the essence of chaos and nonsense
Unconscious remedies made by unseen rhymes and melodies
The tinkling and tanking continues like the rain,...calling me
Calling me to go further away and closer still

I will rise and fall with grace and greatfulness
Up and down and all around,...it is not about where I go
But that I am simply going
Up and down and all around,....
Down, down, down
Rain down, please come down,...
down, down, down, down, down.

Or have you forgotten...

Music,....it is not up for discussion

It just is.

You seem to think it is a cadaver

waiting for an explanation of its death.

You seem to think it is less than human, less than life

As if it can be dismembered without consequence.

You seem to think that there is a right and a wrong

in the rythyms and in the lyrics.

That originality is beheld only by those that were chosen

As if God himself secretly gave you keys without any thought

For anyone else.

But this cannot be true, for music is not a secret

And the keys are readily available to those who simply want them.

The keys lye within the rain, and the inching of the grass

They hang from the tips of trees at the first of spring and fall

And they magically appear at the hint of a whisper

And the shedding of fallen tears

It is life that creates music

It is the emotion that pulls us from side to side

The ballads of monotomy and the chaos of surprise.

We are never knowing of what really hides behind
the next corner, even in the borings of each day

And that is what makes the true lullabyes, the twinkling sounds

And the aching rythyms that seem to sing from our simple souls.

Originality should not be the emphasis of music

It should be integrity,...integrity of ones soul

Integrity with ones relationship with life itself

for she is not to be taken lightly.

She is not a rag doll that is to be scooped up whenever a dead line is due

And thrown to the way-side when all is completed and the award is about to be


She is Gods blessing, bestowed on all of us

who truly do not deserve it.

Integrity...think about it,...embrace it,...soak in it

Saturate til' your silly ideals get all pruney in it.

Integrity defines what is true and what is real.

It is through integrity that one will find originality

For it is not possible to begin with the latter

To believe in such, is a journey that is only long and deficient.

Stop comparing and trying so damn hard

Just stop, pause for more than just a moment

And notice the wind flying under the leaves

Notice the stillness and business outside of your Narcissm.

Life is wonderful and beautiful, especially the parts that move

without our control.

Sing again like you did as a child

Those days where record labels and genres didn't push around

in that sweet, innocent mind of yours.

Dance again like you did when you first heard the music,

You know the days,...your feet jumped around like they were prancing on hot coals.

And please, please, strum and tap the chords like you did,....

when you simply didn't care.

Do you remember?

You just had an emotion that couldn't be contained or explained,

and the instrument you beheld was the only channel to true expression.

Music,...is not up for discussion.

It just is,...so just enjoy it.



I like the little things
They are what matter, without them I just have chaos
I am one of those that don't sit still
Especially when the piles are too high

Like I said before, 90% of the time
my music needs to sound like a cup of coffee.

I write because its raining
I listen because its dark
Whether I will drink it or not
Coffee sits by my side

I am really not that different or that unusual
I don't have great talents, just good ones
I haven't said anything no one else has already said before
But I guess when I do I will be recorded

I am a happy girl, a happy woman
But my happiness is always reminded by the boxes
They are all nice and pretty, but I get tired of noticing them
And I really get tired stepping inside them

Peace is my true friend
She is the reason I breath
The reason I wake up, drive away, say hello and listen to you

I think Rain is her way of telling me she is really here
I think God created her just for me
Peace is my only reason I am not asleep

This ballad takes us slowly away
Soft blankets close to cheek, puppies resting
And my husband sleeping with book in hand
If peace had her way, this is how she would create the everyday



Wrap me,...love me,...take me,....pull me
Lets be truly intertwined.
Take hands
Dive deep
Feel the rush upon our faces
Let's submerge and sing merry melodies
Let's allow our feet to dance in the mystic blue
Hold our breath, embrace soft lips
Take hands
Fly down
Feel the rush of vertigo
Lets entangle as we fall
Lets forget what's below
Hold our breath, embrace soft lips
Take hands
Pull the sheets over and under
Forget what begins and what ends
Lets forget tomorrow
Lets continue to go on and on and on...
Hold our breath, embrace soft lips
And never, ever come up for air.



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