I've had time....

So I've had time to think
actually, a lot of time to think.
And I've realized that I don't have
a damn
clue about life.

My answers and replies
are rarely ever right.
My thoughts are more confusing
than life changing.
My steps are small and not as
big as I have claimed them to be.

But finally, I am actually growing and moving forward.

My growth is not obvious
My revolution has no sign of beginning
I own a house and a dog
I married the one I love
My adventures in Budapest and India are still
in the planning department.

But finally, I am actually growing and moving forward.

I don't have to defend everything under the sun
I don't have to be backwards just to be different
I don't have to sell my relationship with the Lord
to be known as "open-minded"
I don't have to be a Democrat or Republican
just to freaking fit in!

But finally, I am actually growing and moving forward.

So my hair and clothes are in an awkward stage
So I plant flowers in my garden
So I buy junk and "try" to make them look cool
So I'm a little less popular than I used to be...

But finally, I am actually growing and moving forward.

I am not afraid
of the next hour
or Year.
I am not afraid of growing old.
I am not afraid of failing
or becoming past due on my deadlines.
I am not afraid to breathe and take one step
at a time.
Because finally, I am actually growing and moving forward.


At 6/26/2005 12:39 AM, Blogger Tavius said...

let it be let it be...speaking words of wisdom

At 6/27/2005 11:12 PM, Blogger Sageish said...

Good game Steph. Kudos to ya.

At 6/30/2005 4:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know this sounds cheesy, but hey I'm your sister:
I'm really proud of you. You've changed so much since you left redding. I like this new girl/woman.

At 7/13/2005 10:31 AM, Anonymous mary ellen said...

not popular? oh honey. your words are touching some deep place in my heart, and for some reason i find myself crying after days of wanting release. i wish the last few times i've seen you i would have made more of an effort to connect. i don't know how, but something in your ramblings is stirring my soul. i just hope i can cry it out and figure the rest later.

i so wish i wasn't afraid of growing old. and that everything i just wrote wasn't depressing.

At 7/13/2005 6:36 PM, Blogger HangingUpsideDown said...

Some days are good, some are bad, and some days are just nothingness. Some of my writings are happy and others are full of tears. Not to mention a lot of anger. The key is being okay with not being okay. I am starting all over (and maybe thats the point???) and I am going to try to just live. I am so worn out by fighting against everything just so I don't become this person that I most likely wasn't going to be in the first place.
Mary, I adore you and you can call me (or stop by) anytime. I would love to just talk, ramble, cry, have a few (okay a lot) of laughs and see where God takes us.

At 7/14/2005 12:36 PM, Anonymous mary ellen said...

Ahhh. sigh of relief. I am in agreement. I think we may see you on Saturday night, at your house, (in case you didn't know where... or that we might show up.) But anyway. I hope to chat then, and to come by and see you soon otherwise. Thanks for hearing me and responding.


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