I thought I had lost you

We were here and there
And everything was wonderfully fine.
Nothing out of the ordinary,
just groceries and the everyday lists.

But then, like death on the prowl,
You switched and wanted no more.
Surprised by such a declaration,
I asked for it one more time.

You turned to me in venom
And said "I do not love you anymore".
I stuttered and scrambled for words....
But nothing but a faint "why" came forth.

Your eyes were cold, you were gone.
With a faint sigh you replied...
"I do not love you anymore.
I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its that simple, I am done."
And as if nothing had happened, you continued
With the ordinary, the groceries and the lists.

I fell silent from deep within and soon no sound came from the earth.
There were no words, no thoughts, no questions, no answers,...
Just silence.

And then I looked up, and we were home.
Mother was there to meet us,...how odd I thought.
Words finally found themselves upon my tongue,
But they were not met with kindess.
For mother already knew your coldness
And with the same frost, she too stated your disdain for me.

Tears fell, fell hard but without notice.
My body trembled with fear and my body inched towards insanity.
You didn't want me, and you wouldn't tell me why.
Mother wouldn't hear me, and couldn't understand why
I wouldn't just take the cards that had been so harshly dealt.

I fell silent again, from deep within and soon no sound came from the earth.
There were no words, no thought, no question, no answer,...
Just silence.

And then I looked up, and we were in the car once again.
The phones began to ring, the voices became so loud and business was banging!
Bang! bang! bang! As if a mad man was to knock down the door!
And then,...all got quiet.
You turned to me,....my heart fluttered
Maybe you were going to explain or change your mind?
But all I recieved was a harsh statement
"You are sitting on my file, and your feet are all over my papers".
And without any warning
You gently, but firmly, pushed me to the side
And took what was so importantly yours.

Your hatred filled the air of the car.
Your soul was a million miles away,...I was riding with a corpse.
Your air was discusted and annoyed with me
It was as if you had never loved me
Wished you could be rid of me that very minute.

My heart fell,
it plunged to the depths of hell.
My sorrow was so great,
breathing had been forgotten.
My soul had slipped away,
as if it too was discusted with me.
I had nothing, was nothing,....he too was riding with a corpse.

You turned one last time and said "I do not love you",..."I do not want you".
Oh the sorrow I felt!
I had lost you, and I have no idea when.
But you were gone and had been for a very long time.
With such truths, I screamed a sorrowful song so very deep inside my heart
My heart bled with tears so broken, deterioration of my being
was all that was left to do.
I was dieing,...dieing slowly in agony.

And then I woke.
Lying in trembling fear, I leaned into you
And then a cry from my bones came forth, for reality was not set.
And then you touched me, spoke to me,....held me.
The cry became louder, tears fell harder and bigger.
My soul was being brought back from the depths of death.

I had not lost you, you are still beside me.
Your love was not gone, but abundantly near.
The cry became a whisper,...and with your arms around
I whimpered myself back to sleep.


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