Just another moment of emotion,...just another reminder that i am not doing what I want to do.

Do you ever wonder which is the little voice inside that you are to listen to?
Because what I hear, what I ache,....I do not do.
And yet, it is the very thing that cries from my soul, the very thing I should do...
Everyday?

I love, I mean really, truly and ever so deeply
Love music.
I can feel my muscles loosen and my lungs begin to take in air
The heaviness that seems to have a permanent home on my chest
Leaves the instant the finger touches the key.
I am living when melody hits the tips of my ears
My soul is home when the music simply plays.

And yet, I do not play any sort of instrument
Although, I would very much like to become intertwined with such a wonder.
I do not sing, well,....I do, but just not very well.
I am surrounded by expertise and their is simply no room
For amatuers.

So,....
Do I just love music from afar?
Do I appreciate what is good? And channel my soul through others?
Am I like so many others,...and I just don't know it?
Do other souls ache? Ache like they have something to birth?
And do they not entertain or feed the ache?

Or,....
Do I abandon what is "right",....And do
What is not wrong, just indulgent?
Is destiny what you make of what you have?
Or is destiny what you make no matter what you do
Or do not have?

My heart and my soul say embrace what many call "hobbies".
If I did so, my peace would be by my side.
Oh and my smile, that sweet girl that has been gone so very long,
Would beam from the mountain tops.
And of course, the tears and the laughter that have been locked up
With more keys than one could count,....would be free
So very, very free.

Why am I doing what i am doing? What am I trying to prove?
Because while I am out "fighting" my soul is becoming old and gray.