Asleep and The extra Hand

Depression is a mean and nasty state of mind
Life is good and yet it tells you its oh so bad.
Love is beautiful and yet it tells you it is not real.

I really, really hate this time of year.
I used to love winter oh so dearly.
Now I drudge through those three infamous months
Hoping and Waiting for a good sunny day.

Its hard being depressed when you live with someone you love.
Especially with someone who never gets depressed.
Its hard to watch the one you love watch his love fade away

I hate self-loathing
I hate self-pity
I hate being so whiny and pathetic
WHY can't I just get out of bed?!
WHY can't I just smile?!
WHY can't I just enjoy life?!

Beautiful Life is at arms reach
And what do I do?
I lye asleep dreaming of a beautiful life
Never waking to see that its dancing right before me.

So many people say they get the winter blues
So many people say they have struggled with depression all their life
So many people say they have bad days
But why! Oh why! Do these same people wonder whats wrong with me?!

This moment is a horrible state of mind
You see your yesterdays smile and beauties
You have no clue how to ever get them back
So you just watch them over and over
like an old black and white movie
Hoping that maybe this time it will trigger me back
To the good ole days.

If only I could have one person in my life who could say:
"They Understand and would like to offer help"
Help is the key word here,...cause so many offer that understanding
But if they really understood, would they not offer me that extra hand?



So here's the thing, I'm happy but not happy that I have become...
a juggler.
The yesterdays seem crazy but focused.
The today's,...well they are crazy but I can't focus on one damn thing!
I can't focus because there is just too much I want to pertain and contain.
I like that I am learning everyday.
I like that I work and have flexible hours.
I like that I create, renovate, re-construct and re-create.
I like that I am always thinking of a new idea....
But what I am frustrated about is the fact that there is just
not enough
in my Head.

Has anyone found a good storage space for the overflow?